Kamehameha and his advisers enjoy a splendid sunset at Hale o Keawe. Standing between the kāhili bearers are, from left: Ke'eaumoku, Kamanawa, Kamehameha and kahuna nui Holoae. Kekūhaupi'o, the subject of a mo'olelo described in this column, stands in the foreground to Kamehameha's left. Kame'eiamoku, Keaweaheulu and Hewahewa, grandson of Holoae, the kahuna, are also shown. - Artist: Brook Kapūkuniahi Parker, from Kamehameha Publishing's forthcoming Ali'i poster set based on the book "Ruling Chiefs of Hawai'i."

Teaching the Hawaiian child

A huge difference in child-rearing practices and child behavior is evident today. In the 1940s, when today's kūpuna were growing up, Hawaiian parents and grandparents repeatedly reminded keiki about the rules of behavior. Rules like, "Children are seen and not heard"; "Respect your elders"; "Listen, watch how things are done, and learn"; "When elders are speaking, listen quietly"; and "Speak only when you are spoken to," were heard frequently in the home. Most parents had many more rules. Today, youngsters seem to have unlimited access and an open platform to speak, even argue, with parents, kūpuna and adults. Things have changed.

By Claire Ku'uleilani Hughes, Ph.D., R.D.

A recent newspaper article caught my eye. The syndicated column titled, Cultivating high self-esteem lowers child's regard for others, was written by family psychologist Dr. John Rosemond. He said, "In the 1960s American parents stopped going to their elders for advice (on child-rearing) and began going instead to mental health professionals – like me (Dr. R.)" Child psychologists came up with the new philosophy based on a high self-esteem being a good thing. Parents were encouraged to ensure that their children developed high self-esteem. Dr. Rosemond went on to say that mental health professionals made it up! A parent asked, "Isn't it possible for a child to have high self-esteem and a high level of respect for others?" His answer was stunning. "An unequivocal no," he responded. He continued, "People with high self-regard, possess a low regard for others." Dr. Rosemond said that this "postmodern psychological parenting is completely devoid of value." "It is a sham." "It has damaged children, families, schools and culture." Dr. Rosemond proposes that "we begin the invigorating, rejuvenating process of finding our way back home."

Traditionally, kūpuna and mākua had kuleana to teach all kamali'i the life skills and values related to staying healthy, supporting a family and assisting the 'ohana and lāhui. Keiki kāne learned male responsibilities and kaikamāhine learned female responsibilities. 'Ohana elders kept trained eyes focused on all developing kamali'i. The elders would decide which child displayed an aptitude for special training. The traditional Hawaiian teaching method involved watching and listening carefully as the teacher demonstrated. The student then showed the teacher what he had just learned. This process was repeated until the teacher was confident his student had mastered the skill. During the learning process, indications that a lesson was going well were nods, an occasional " 'ae," or sighs of approval from the teacher. The teacher also taught appropriate behaviors, attitudes and values. This training took time.

Conversely today, keiki get education and training in school classrooms and on school playgrounds. Then, keiki bring home work that requires evening and weekend hours. Organized sports and television fill other "free time." Thus, time to learn from elders within the family circle is greatly diminished. Expectations, behaviors and attitudes learned in schools are different and, mostly, divergent from Hawaiian values. Today, the 'ohana need to introduce more cultural training in a keiki's first five years of childhood to assure that Hawaiian values continue.

A mo'olelo tells how kūpuna of Ke'ei, a small village near Nāpo'opo'o, Hawai'i, determined the destiny of an 8-year-old boy. The boy was alert and energetic, and precocious in warlike games. His body development was far ahead of his playmates. One day, the young boy went swimming with a group of boys near Hikiau heiau. The boys later divided into sides and a mock battle developed. The boys wrestled, slapped their chests and threw projectiles of damp sand at each other. The boys of Nāpo'opo'o seemed to prevail, until the game of throwing sand projectiles began. When the Ke'ei boys began to fall back, the strong boy moved forward, alone, facing a number of Nāpo'opo'o opponents. He stood his ground fighting, showing his fearless nature. A kahuna kia'i, at the nearby heiau, observed the scene, and later, told the boy's father what he had seen. The kahuna predicted the boy would become a famous warrior one day and recommended the boy become a kahuna and be taught the profession of war. The boys' father was a warrior chief. He began skills development, training his son in hurling, boxing, wrestling and running swiftly. That was the beginning of Hawai'i's great warrior chief Kekūhaupi'o, who fought side by side with Kamehameha the Great, always protecting his ali'i.